I Will Stay Strong

My mother used to cry because she always thought my father was seeing another woman and that he loved the other woman more.  I always wanted to scream and yell at her, "I am the other woman! I am my father's whore!"  She was too blind to see all that was happening right before her eyes.

Even after my parents separated, my mother allowed my father to come and visit, and they would pretend as if they were still married.  On some late nights, I still remember, my father would ask my mother to go pick up food from some late night restaurant.  As soon as she leaves, my father would come in the room and wake me up, needless to say, I was awake the entire time anyway.  He would tell me that we only have very little time; he would do all ungodly things to me and clean up just in time for my mother to walk through the door with his food.  He would whisper to me, "good girl, now go back to sleep". He’ll walk out of the bedroom, my mom would serve him his food, he'd eat, then they would pretend like they were a happy couple, and  he’d act as if he was so happy to see her and be with her.  

I would cry and pretend that I was asleep all night; I wouldn't sleep though because I knew that sometime later in the night, when my mom was fast asleep, he will come back to me and touch me again.  He was sick and twisted; he took every chance he got to do all kinds of things to me.  He had no shame and he never felt sorry for me. Sometimes I even wonder how I survived all that.  Maybe it was my fighting spirit telling me that I can rise above every pain he caused me, every shame he brought me, and every vile things he’s done to me.  I am strong and I have survived for almost 20 years now, and I plan to keep going.  There are days that I think I’ll break but I know I can’t and I won’t, I will stay strong for me, and for my kids.